Better than a dream
by Silvertounge
Summary: But for that moment the world held still and reality was better than anything I had ever dreamed. Speculation on the spoilers for the Season 5 finale, don't read if you don't want to know.


I'm pretty new to writing for the Bones fandom, but I read a lot and I really do love the characters. That being said they are not mine, the speculation is mine but the people belong to Hart Hanson and the lovely people at FOX.  
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He isn't supposed to be running. That's your job and lately you have been running and pushing enough for both of you. But here he is, sitting across from you at the diner, looking down into his cup of coffee and telling you that he's leaving. Your head tries to tell you that you should have expected this; everyone who has ever mattered to you has left so why should you have expected him to be any different. But your heart knows that this is all your doing, that the space he needs is because you pushed him away, because you refused to let him in.

Even now as he is sitting here you can see it in his eyes as he looks up at you, he wants to stay, he wants _you_ to want him to stay. But you can't do it, you don't know how to be this for him. You may be closed and guarded but you are weak, you don't have the strength to save him, to save you both from this path of destruction that you have set yourselves upon.

"What about Parker?"

You know you are being cruel. But your mind is racing as fast as your heart and you are stalling, trying to find the words to make him see that he has to stay.

You see the hurt in his eyes as he explains that they have talked, and Parker understands how important it is for him to teach others how to be safe. He continues to talk but that hurt that you saw has deafened you to his words. This is a man who would do anything for his son and he is leaving because of you. You took this strong, beautiful, loving man and you reduced him to this shell that sits across from you.

"Booth –" you start, unaware that you are even speaking, is that choked sound your voice? He looks up so it must be. You clear your throat and look down, your voice coming out much clearer this time.

"You, you can't go Booth. You can't." you repeat it again and again in your mind trying to find the proof you need to make him stay.

"I have to, don't you see there are soldiers out there who need me Bones. They need me…"

"Parker is here, he needs you he shouldn't have to go a year without his father Booth-"

"I already told you about Parker" he is getting frustrated now, raising his voice at you in a way you haven't heard in forever. There is desperation in the tone as well, the anger overshadowing the guilt and hurt that his eyes are showing.

It is the guilt that gets you; he doesn't want to leave his son, his life behind. That is not who he is, but he cannot go on living the way you have forced him to. With that your resolve to make him stay fades and you get up, pushing your chair away as you run out of the diner mumbling some excuse you don't even understand. You hold the tears until you get outside, taking off down the street as fast as your feet can carry you. You don't expect him to follow you, not this time.

He doesn't.  
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Sitting in your office at the lab you sort through the packet of information on the dig in Indonesia. When it came weeks ago you had politely declined not wanting to be out of the lab for that long, but now… now there is nothing tying you to this place and you feel a return to your roots might be just what you need.

"Dr. B?" Hodgin's voice come questioning out of the dark, you had thought you were the only one here this late. He comes in and looks at the passport on your desk, the invitation and airline information piled up next to it.

"What do you think you're doing?" he asks, and you are surprised because it's unlike him to be this forward with you. You can hear a hint of frustration in his voice and see he anger in his eyes, but you don't understand how the y could possibly be directed at you.

"I am gathering materials to make necessary arrangements, I decided the dig I was invited on would be benific-"

"Bullshit." That one word cuts through your heart as your excuse dies on your lips. You know it is true, but he is the first person who has called you on it.

"You're running, you know that right? You are running scared from what could be the best thing to happen to you. I know your heart Dr. B I was there in the car when you left in unguarded, when you allowed yourself to rely on your faith because it was all you had left. I see you two every day and I know you belong together. He knows it and I know that you know it. But nothing ever happens, and if you run off now I can guarantee nothing ever will. You have a chance to make this right Dr. B, you have always had that choice, and I don't know why you won't let yourself."

It was the second time tonight the emotions of a man had blindsided you and it was all you could do not to break down a second time. You had tried so hard during the trial to hold down those feelings that had surfaced. To smother the faith and hope that fueled each of your darkest nightmares.

"What do I do?" You ask, fear making your voice smaller than you would have liked it to be.

"Just go to him Dr. B and tell him the truth, give him the note, do whatever it takes to show him what I know is hidden not so deep in your heart. After all he's done for you, you owe him that much."

And with that he turned and left the office, leaving you once again with the feelings that were going to either break your heart or save it.  
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It was late when you finally knocked on the door of his apartment. Truth be told you sat outside the door for over an hour just trying to get the courage to knock. You could hear the TV on through the door as well as sporadic bursts of thumping that led you to believe he was packing.

There was a similar thump when you finally knocked on the door. And it echoed the drop you felt in your heart when he didn't come to the door at first.

"Bones."

That one word, coupled with the mix of disbelief and wonderment that was coloring his face was your undoing as tears filled up your eyes for the third time that night. But you choke them down because this was not about you. It was your turn for once to be there for your partner and you were going to do this right.

Wordlessly you reach your hand out, the crumpled page of your book, smudged and dirtied but the ink is as clear as it was in the dark hour when you wrote it. You feel him take it from your hand gently, you are sure his brow is wrinkled in concerned confusion even though you cannot bring yourself to look at his face.

"I knew." You say, those two words taking more effort than any of the novels you have penned in your lifetime.

"I knew it down there. I knew it when you were taken. I knew it when you died and even more when you came back. And I knew that night too. But I couldn't let you make it real for me because I don't know how to make it work. I thought the greatest kindness I could do you would be to let you go on and live your life with someone who could make you happy because I'm still not sure I can do that for you. But I can't let you risk your life, ruin your happiness, your son's happiness without letting you know why I'm keeping you out…"

The words die on your lips as you gather the courage to look into his face. His eyes have guilt, regret and maybe hope in them as he looks at you. His gaze falling between your face and the paper in his hand as he wipes his hand across his brow. He takes a step towards you and when you don't move he takes another and another until he is reaching out to grab your face.

He holds your chin and stares into your eyes as if he's searching for something. You can see rising panic behind the hope. You reach your hand out to his chest, placing it over his heart as you open your mouth to reassure him.

"It's true. I love you Booth. You have it in writing; you've heard it from my own lips. You can't go, because I can't let you walk away, I can't-"

Your words are interrupted again in for the night as he brings his lips gently over yours sealing the confession inside. This kiss is hesitant, gentle and hopeful, so different from the hungry desperate one in front of the Hoover. But it is exactly what we need. He pulls you into his arms, crushing you against him as he whispers into your hair.

"Thank you, thank you thank you" he mummers against your skull, not loosening his grip around you.

"I don't know what you are thanking me for Booth, I've nearly broken you more times than you can-"

He cuts you off with another kiss on the lips.

"I'm thanking you for coming. For stopping me. For realizing what I knew was there. I love you Bones but I needed you to know, I needed you to want me to stay."

His tender confession, as he cradles you in his arms in the middle of his living room was a soothing balm on both our hearts. We had plenty of talking to do, and lots of time to make up for. But for that moment the world held still and reality was better than anything you had ever dreamed.

Well there it is. I would love to know what you think about it. Drop me a line I promise to respond.


End file.
